Olympic highlights

I love the Olympics, especially the winter ones. I remember watching them from the time I was a very little girl. One of the greatest memories I have is going to the Summer games in 1984 in Los Angeles with my mom.

Sadly, I wasn't able to watch a single event this year. I was either working while the games were on, or someone was busy watching something else, or playing video games at the time. However, I did stay up to date on my favorite sports, speed skating and hockey.

Now, I'm not as big of a hockey fan as my friend Bainwen is, but it's my second favorite sport. (Sorry, baseball will always be number one for me.) Then you add the Olympics to the mix, the most awesome display of athletics in the world, and you've got my attention! I was getting worried when the US and Canada teams both got beaten out of medal contention. But, oh the good news! Sweden was in the running for a medal! They had to go up against Finland for the gold. Happy news...They won! The very best part to me, was that Nicklas Lidstrom, my favorite hockey player, (Go Wings!), was the one that scored the goal that sealed the victory.

Lidstrom's goal, coming just 10 seconds into the third period, snapped a tie and sent Sweden to a 3-2 victory over Finland on Sunday in the men's hockey finale.

I'm of Swedish ancestry, very proudly so, and usually root for the Swedes anyway. I even exchanged a flag with a Swedish man at the '84 games. I gave him my US one for his Swedish one. I think my mom still has it somewhere.

Another interesting note, the US won their very first medal in curling. Curling? You ask...WTF is that? Well, it's an interesting sport where two guys basically brush a large stone down the ice, trying to put it in just the right spot to score points. I know, obscure. I only know because my daddy curled in college. That, and it's one sport you're sure to get tickets to if you ever want to go to the games. ;)

However, the most interesting thing to me in these Olympics was the speed skating events. I have always loved the sport, both long and short track. I remember watching the Queen of Speed Skating and Dan Jansen go flying around the track and being mesmerised by them. This year I had a real close interest in the men's competition. Bay City, Michigan's very own Alex Izykowski was on the men's team. He was in a couple of events, and eventually became part of the Bronze medal winning team for the 5000 meter race. I'm hoping we have a really big party here, so maybe I can finally see a real Olympic medal (or were they CD's this year?) up close and personal. That, and he's cute. :>

So another Winter Olympics have come and gone. I really wish I could have seen them. Maybe I'll have better luck in four years when they come to Vancouver, Canada. After all, I'm not that far away. And I would like to say someday that I've been to the Summer and Winter games. By that time my kid would be old enough to enjoy them even. Now that would be a cool tradition to start. I'll never be an athelte, but at least watching these guys and gals lets me dream a little.

"Citius, Altius, Fortius"

I love my job

No, really, I do! I can't believe it myself, but it's true.

I've been working at the Home Depot for just about a month and a half now. I am a lot attendant. Basically that means that I run around and bring in carts all day, and I help customers load up their vehicles with their purchases. I'm really enjoying it. I get lots of exercise, I get to be outside, I get to interact with lots of people. It's great! I've also been cashier trained, so I get some extra shifts, but I prefer the lot. There's a wonderful freedom to it. I can wander all over the store, and no one says anything about it. I get to help people in all departments. Plus I'm learning tons about where everything is, and how lots of things work.

I haven't loved a job in a long time. The last time was six years ago when I worked as a delivery driver for a blueprinting company. There was a lot of freedom in that too. Maybe that's what I like about these jobs so much...being able to actually do things, instead of being stuck in one place.

My front end supervisor wants me to become a cashier full time once my six months in lot is up, but I don't know if I'll want to. I like being able to run around. Oh, and the best part is seeing the looks on people's faces when I'm called as the loader. The men usually don't think I can do the job, and I surprise them. The women are worse though. I don't know how many I've had say "shouldn't a man be doing this?" I just tell them they wanted someone who could do it right. ;)

I did have one really sexist pig. He wouldn't let me help him at all with his load. He actually kept saying that this was a man's job, and that a man should be doing it, not some "girl". He even said to me "here, you can hold my coffee"! What a jackass. So I held his coffee while he grunted, groaned and strained to get his insulation into his car. I was trying so hard not to laugh outloud at him. When he was done, I handed him back his coffee, wished him a nice day, and took the cart back into the store. I hope he had back trouble that night. ;)

All in all, I really do love my job. Great coworkers, pretty good (99%) customers, and a great place to work. Yup, I am the Home Depot.

Where the heck did my sex drive go?

I know I used to have one, once upon a time.

I looked under the bed. Nothing but rabid dust bunnies the size of shoes.

I checked under the couch. No luck. A couple of moldy cheerios. At least, I think that's what they used to be.

I checked in the basement, but couldn't find it there either. I even looked through my still packed boxes, thinking that maybe I had forgotten to unpack it. Nope, not their either.

Odd.

I'm don't think I will find it in this house. I think it wandered off and got lost. A ha! A quest! Now to find the right person to help me search for it. ;) After all, a quest done alone isn't exactly fun.

The wrong love

This will be a bitchy blog. Skip this one if you think it might irritate you. ;)

Back in the month of May (wow, that's cheesey), I started talking to two very interesting men. One, I met through a message board I frequent. We'd been chatting back and forth about theatre, and other mutual likes. The other I met through an internet dating service. We also had many things to talk about. They both made me laugh, and I felt happy with both of them. Not in "that" kinda way. Just happy in general.

June comes along, and I met Guy 1 in person. We spent the weekend together seeing a great set of one acts, and then caught a movie together before I (reluctantly) headed home. About a week after that, I meet Guy 2 in person. He and I also hit it off, and in a completly different way. Although I like both men very much, I went with Guy 2 because he was closer to me. Guy 2 lives in another state, and I've never been very good at long distance relationships.

So fast forward a few months. It's now February, and I am living with Guy 2. He claims he loves me more than life itself, and I'm happy having someone that takes care of me and my son. Also, I have continued my friendship with Guy 1, even visiting him two more times since our initial visit.

Now here's the problem. I am not in love with Guy 2, my SO. He's sweet, kind and loving. And I honestly do care for him. But in just the last 8 months that we've been dating, we've already grown apart, even if he won't admit to it. Sure, we like the same movies and music, and we laugh at the same jokes...if they're fart jokes. His idea of a fun Friday night is to hang out with his buddy on the couch and kill people on Grand Theft Auto, San Andres. I mean, I like to play video games too, and even have a LOTRs one of my own, but every damn day? For hours at a time? Ok, I know, I spend a lot of time online. But I multi task it with homework, chatting with friends, even reading! He's not educated, he doesn't read books, he doesn't want to learn anything new, unless it's cheat codes for his games, and his favorite jokes have to do with farting on someone. I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, and all I get back from him is "is it my fault? What can I do to make it better?" All the time! He won't stand up to me at all. He's whipped...and I didn't even do it. Pre-whipped, as a friend of mine said. He has a lot of good qualities, but they just don't match up with what I need in a realtionship with someone.

As I go back to school, and work at a job I'm really loving, I'm finding myself drifting away from him. I have nothing to talk about with him, because he doesn't seem interested in what I have to say. And when he talks to me, I find myself tuning out. Horrid, aren't I?

So, I'm coming to the realisation that this relationship is over. It's dead in the water. No matter how much he thinks we're perfect, I know we're not. I find myself resenting him and his family. Sure, it's great that they treat my son like a member of their family (cards, bday and Christmas presents and what not), but it really bothers me. I am just his girlfriend, not his wife. My son is my son. I want so much to get away from all of these people. Part of why I have been reluctant to do anything before now, is because of the SO and his family, I can give my son everything his father can. A family, a home, lots of people who care about him. But after talking this over with my therapist, I know that if I stay just for my kid, I won't be happy in the end, and he will figure it out. He has to have a happy, healthy mommy for him to be at his best. And I have sworn to myself that I will take care of myself, in order to take care of him.

The realationship went faster than a drunk monkey on a greased skateboard. I know it, and I've tried telling SO this, but he thinks it's fine. He keeps saying he wants to get married, and his own family keep checking out my left hand. I just got divorced a year and a half ago, damn it! I don't know if I want to ever get married again, let alone right now. I want very much to move into my own place again, and slow things waaaay down. But he sees my moving out as a full ending of the relationship. It seems that with him it's either all or nothing. Honestly, at this point, I'd rather have nothing.

So, onto another issue. During all of this time, I've been talking to Guy 1. Honestly, I think of this man as my best friend. When something happens in my life, or I just want someone to chat with, he's the first one I think of. He's given me the moral and emotional support I've needed in all the rough patches of my life for the last eight months. He understands me in a way no one elese does. And that scares the living crap out of me. Why? Because I understand now that I gave my heart to the wrong person back in June. I stayed away from any relationship with Guy 1 because he lives in a different state, and I can't move out of Michigan because of my son. So what do I do now? I don't want Guy 1 to move up here to MI for me, because this place is dead in terms of jobs, culture, what have you. Plus, I don't want him to think I'd be rebounding on him because my relationship with Guy 2 is over with. I know Guy 1 cares for me, but I don't want to push anything. For all I know, he may just see me as his little sister. And I'm too scared to find out. Moving down to where he lives would be an option, but not for another two or three years. I have to finish my schooling, and I want to wait until my son is old enough to be in school. And, as I said before...long distance relationship and I don't do well. I'd hate to see a wonderful thing get blown apart by a mere 300 miles.

Yup, you read it all right. I'm in love with my best friend. Calling Hollywood!

I think the best thing to do for the moment is keep my mouth and my heart shut. I'll keep Guy 1 as my best friend, and hopefully things will work themselves out in the end. If we stay as nothing more than friends, at least I know I have someone in my life I can count on for anything. And that is more important to me than any romantic relationship.