April 26, 2006

Bad dreams

I really, really hate having bad dreams, especially when they involve my ex husband. It used to be that I dreamed of my first ex-husband, the one who was so abusive to me. Last night, it was my son's father.

I've been dreaming of him off and on for about a week now, and they're never good dreams. Last night was the worst though. He was screaming at me, calling me a worthless whore, an unfit mother, and he would never let me see our son again. I woke up just terrified.

I had to call my fiend to calm down. Yes it was 430 in the morning, didn't mind a bit. Thank goodness for that.

I don't even want to dream like that again. Reality is enough.

April 25, 2006

Back to work

If you read my previous posts, you'll recal I was having troubles with my knee. I finally had an MRI and was able to get off of my crutches. I was so happy! But because the work schedule is written two to three weeks in advance, I was stuck being a cashier still. No more! Today I go back to my "real" job - lot attendant. I'm so excited! I won't be tied down to a stupid register anymore, and I'll be getting my exercise again. (Thankfully.)

So today I go back to work. I'm very happy. Let's hope they don't pull me back for cashier anytime soon. I don't wanna! *has tantrum* Ahem...sorry 'bout that. ;)

Found my sex drive!

Apparently it went south. ;) And no, I'm not going to tell you who helped me find it either. :D

April 04, 2006

Knee Update

Good news: The MRI results came back negative, which means there are no obvious rips or tears in the knee. Yeah! That means I don't have to use crutches at work anymore. Sq00t!

Bad news: It still hurts if I walk too much. *sigh* Guess I'm off to the doctor again.

Vacation time

Yup, I'm taking a mini-vacation, such as it were.

I've been under a huge ammount of stress lately. The bi-polar disorder has really been kicking my ass lately, and it's getting the better of me. It's causing me to hurt my son (I yelled at him and scared him), and even at work I can't hold it together. A coworker caught me crying uncontrollably in the garden shed the other day. So, at the urging of a friend, I left work and school for a few days, and came down to Ohio for a break.

I was worried about work, but called my HR manager and she said it was perfectly okay. So hopefully I'll be back to work on Friday. At least I know my job will be waiting for me, so that's a little preasure off my back.

I'm seeing my doctor on Monday. She's not going to be happy that I've been lying to her. I told her I've been doing really well, when the truth is I've been having suicidal thoughts for almost a month now, and tried to do myself in last week. Hopefully we'll work on some med adjustments and see what happens.

Also, my ex and I have agreed to no more overnights with my son for a little while. I'm going to see him on Tuesday and just take him to the park for awhile. I hope he'll be okay with that.

At any rate, it feels good to not be at either work or school, to eat sushi, and to spend time in the company of someone who cares for me. I think we all should have a vacation like that from time to time.